We have the lives we need: that is why we are what we are. I have just realised this; this I have just understood.
Personally, I am incapable of affection, and this is why I get no affection in exchange. If I did get affection in exchange, it would be because I deserved it and offered it up myself. As I don’t get it, so it must be a result of my incapacity to love.
I am disabled in love.
I am disabled in emotion.
I am disabled in almost every respect I can think of.
I want no pity.
I want no help.
I am sovereign over my wants; and now it is my desire not to be given anything by anyone. I want no one to be interested in me. I want just to watch and observe. I want just to take photographs and write. I want just to be able to be.
To interact with people who belittle me and lie to me is to interact with a game of tragic loss.
People tell me to be a river; and when I open up, they make me look foolish.
The reason I am an island, a rock as hard as I am, is because far too often foolishness is my experience, and making a damn idiot of my being is about the only skillset I properly possess.
So please stop asking me to reach out and love.
Please stop asking me to hold your virtual hands.
Please stop loving the stupid things I think.
Please stop liking anything I do.
Please just let me be.
Just let me be.
Let me be.